“Somebody That I Used to Know” Really? No, I Never Knew These People! True Blood S5 E8

So this week what’s left of The Authority is batshit crazy and HIGH.

Barb from Cougartown

Bill and his new BFF Salome

Rev Steve riding Russell’s Pony

Salome trying to smother Nora, the worst, in “show us your tits” beads.  More on “Tits” later.

Poor Eric is the only one with any sense of reality and consequence.  He sobered up pretty quick when Casp…Godric popped up to scold him and remind him to save is horrible sister.

1.  Hey writers, do you  think you’ve made a case for saving Nora? Cause you haven’t.  Eric needs to let her combust with the rest of the idiots that call themselves The Authority.

I know I’ve said it before, but it just gets worse and worse so I’m going to say it again, The Authority storyline is a monumental fail.  Maybe if the writers had broken a compelling story about The Authority, not some random comment on religious fundamentalism (that was done much better with the Fellowship of the Sun and the religion issue should have been kept to that organization).

Maybe if The Authority and the Kings and Queens of the state weren’t all written completely out of their minds I could believe that there was a real vampire shadow government that ruled with an iron fist.   It would have been fascinating.  But nope!   The way the writers have portrayed the vampire leaders is completely unbelievable.   These nut jobs couldn’t run around a track, let alone run a state-full of vampires.    There’s no way to take the vampire politics/government story line seriously.   As per usual the writers have come up with gags and “really cool” ideas that they have to cram into some kind of story.   They don’t feel the for need character bibles (so the actors just come up with the history themselves until  the writers write something that goes against what they’ve been playing for years) and they don’t feel they need any structure, so The Authority, like the rest of the series is a mess.

2. Speaking of RETCON…..Jason is on the “Bill and Sookie are meant to be together because they have true love train.”   REALLY?!?!?   Now how and when did this happen?   Jason just, and when I say just, I don’t mean last month, or last week or even yesterday, he just, as in seconds ago, said to Jessica all vampires were alike and he shot her in the head when she bit him in frustration and anger.  He’s still got her blood on his hand!  LOOK!

He runs over from the “horror” of Jessica and vampires being all alike and  tells Sookie that she should be glad she’s a faerie because it brought her to Bill and even though they had their “ups and downs” it was “true love.” Huh. Maybe Jason doesn’t know about the Rattray betrayal, but he was by her side in the hospital room  after Bill drained her to within an inch of her life., he told Bill to “Get the Fu*k OUT” when he came by his house to visit Sookie. Jessica biting him was grounds for shooting her in the head, but Bill, well, everyone has their ups and downs….Why I outta…..this freakin’ ret-conned show! They ret-con from one scene to the next!

3.  Tits.  Really? What is this over use of the crudest word to describe breasts?  Sookie is crass enough last episode to say someone was staring at her “tits.”  Now Russell says “God has the most beautiful tits.”

This show is so misogynistic.    All the women turn into screechy, whiney, selfish monsters.  Pam especially last season.  Sookie ever since first season (though Angela Robinson gave her one good episode).  Nora is the WORST.  Salome a wuss who had to dig Russell to do her dirty work.  Barb from Cougartown.  Cypher.  Tara, oh goddess, Tara, yes, she’s tolerable at the moment, but I’m not getting my hopes up.  I was hoping she was dead at the end of last season.  Maryanne.  Monster.  Mama Fortenberry.  Monster.  Marnie.  Not only really a monster, just stupid.  Crystal.  Monster.  Jessica.  Monster who is also a slut and a cheater.   Let’s see…..Arlene.  Biggot.  Holly, well she’s been okay so far but she was dumb enough to follow Marnie.  And you know what?  It all boils down to “TITS.”

4. “Lilith says I should eat a baby.”

Really?  That’s just so disgusting.  Do the writers and Alan Ball really think that was funny?  This show has gone from a fun campy series with a message to something dark and mean-spirited.  There’s little to no real humor anymore.  Alan kept saying he was going to keep to the spirit of the books, well humor real humor is necessary to keep the show in the “spirit” of those books.

4.  Let me get this straight.  Bill won’t feed on a woman who has a new baby until Salome reminds him of the time he didn’t save his own daughter and THEN he decides the right thing to do is to kill this young mother.  Is that right?  Is there any logic to that whatsoever?

Ah Bill and his closed up cat butt face.  Though Stephen looks handsome here, that puss is just….

I’m still trying to understand the unrelenting cruelty this season.  This made my skin crawl.

Though that cruelty clearly turns Bill on.

5. Jessica is a slut and she deserves what she gets.  Really? In this episode, there was no other reason for this hate group story line than to show her for the slut she is.   Hoyt says the most hateful nasty things to her and holds a gun to her head.  But I have a question.  Did Jessica and Jason have sex before she broke up with Hoyt?  I don’t recall they did.  So when she thanks him for not killing her and he says “Fuck you Jess,” I have to ask the writers, “how much more misogynistic are you going to get on this show?”  It’s honestly one of the most misogynistic shows on television, IMO.

But I have a question.  Did Jessica and Jason have sex before she broke up with Hoyt?

Also, is this hate group supposed to parallel the Sanguinestas? If so, I’m booooorrrrred!

6.  The faeries, Claude this “bond” they’ve supposedly had with the Stackhouse family?  I’m tired.  Is there a point?  Is there a point to Claude having a thousand sisters with ridiculous names?  You know, two or three sisters would have sufficed.  Aren’t there enough characters on this canvas?

Oh, and this one?  Claudette?  Nice casting choice.  Joe Manganello is an Oscar winner compared to her.  Nice line reading.

7.  I know I’ve asked this before, but what is the point of stealing things from the books when they are distorted to a degree that they just don’t work?  It’s hilarious to me.  This faerie gobbledygook with Sookie becoming her mother, etc.  is clearly a bastardization  of the Ectoplasmic Reconstruction one of Charlaine’s cool constructs.  The witches, the good ones? In the books there are actually good and smart witches, do the magic and they can learn how someone died by actually watching it happen.  Instead we get a very weak, Harry Potter/Voldemort situation.  Yeah, you stole it from Harry Potter, Hudis.   Is the no writer with any originality on this show?

That’s right Sook, be one with the Vampire.  Parcelmouth anyone?

8.  Did the Weres really have to be so disgusting as to hunt a human boy?  No one is redeemable, except Martha (Yay! Dale Dickey!).  Another insult to the books is naming that were “JD,” who is human and beautiful.  At least the writers had the decency to give him a different last name “Carson” and not “DuRone.”

Not even going to bother with a photo of the actor playing JD.  Here’s Dale Dickey, as Martha, responding to JD.  Yay Dale!!

9. Do we have to continue this racist, slave/master shit with Tara any longer?  I mean, once or twice, I guess is witty, though I question taste.  But these “jokes” just keep going on and on and on and now I’m  through with them.  Please make them stop!

 Enough!  Stop it Tracy and all the writers writing the Pam/Master  Tara/Slave jokes

10.  OMG!  Please!  I was hoping against hope he would pop her head off!  Why can’t Eric just kill Nora?  As Jacob from Television Without Pity says, and I say, Nora is the worst.  THE WORST!  Please be merciful and kill her off.  I know they’re supposed to love each other, but guess what?  The writing never convinced me.  I don’t believe for a moment they have a history or any warm feelings for each other.  I didn’t believe it in the first episode and I don’t believe it now.  So please!  Someone! Anyone! Give Nora the final death and free my Viking to go on and conquer these idiots!

That’s it Eric!  Twist her head off……if not…..

….please POP it off!!!!

11.  Okay, what are we trying to do here with Pam.  Is she a Sanguinista too? Because I don’t know this character and I’m not sure I like her.  I wasn’t sure I liked her after the way she acted in Season 4 and now with this little speech, “Your only purpose is to serve Tara Thornton.  You will worship Tara…. You exist only for Tara’s nourishment….You are an unpaid food whore a slave and Tara is your master.”   Well, not sure I care to see Pam if she’s going to be like this.

12.  Really Mark Hudis?  Re: Bill and his lovely blow up the 5 that’s right only 5 in the whole world Tru Blood factories (we won’t even go in to how dumb that piece of story is only 5 factories….) idea: “He’s generally a nice guy and he’s generally on the side of humans but this time he’s like, you know, ‘Screw humanity. I’m a vampire,’ and that’s a really big turn for the character (it is?) and I think it’s interesting to see someone who is BELOVED (to whom Mark?) and gentle (GENTLE?) go dark like that.”   Okay there are a handful of women who love their Bill, but Mark, you must be in some kind of bubble and worse suffer from Marnie’s curse.  Bill is gentle?  When he ripped out Sookie’s  throat and drained her to within an inch of her life?  When he stood aside and let the Rattray’s beat Sookie senseless? When he started to kill Eric just because Sookie loved him for that brief tiny second?  Yeah, it’s clear that’s the writers perception of the character, but they’re not very good a conveying that I guess because I loathe that character.  The only time he’s tolerable is when he’s darker than he usually is.  The best thing the writers  could do to redeem that character and make him tolerable would be to make him go dark for good.  And no more pining over Sookie!

Let’s blow ’em up real good!

The GREAT!  “WTF Bill” look Eric gives him!

“Evolving”  This character is so insidious!

13.  You have to rip off movies?  No original thoughts?  As I mentioned above we have Sookie/Harry  connecting with Warlow/Voldemort….and we have “Ghost.”

Terry you in danger guurrrrllll!

Voldemort, I mean, Warlow appears and talks to Sookie (he killed Harry’s parents err Sookie’s parents remember?)

Now what I liked this episode:

The beautiful, beautiful performance by Mr. Skarsgard.

Everything is written on his face.

“You don’t know me well enough to know my happy face is the same as my mad face”  Oh Pam! LOL!

“I’m fine, you got me in the head.”  Oh Jason!  LOL!

I love the way Jesus appeared to Laffy and the way they shot it, alternating Laffy in focus….

….and Jesus in focus.  Well done Mr. Moyer!

Then shooting them holding hands.  Just beautiful!

Sam Trammel did a fine job as Luna as Sam

Though honestly his Tommy last year can not be beat!

And then there’s Dale Dicky! 😉

Screen Caps by Witch of Bon Temps


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