“In the Beginning” This Was Truly a Great Show. Really! True Blood S5 E7

“In the Beginning” revealed that this show is a bigger mess than Roman on the conference table.

This episode was epic in ways hard to imagine.  It was a series of scenes strung together that all felt like non sequiturs even though there had been scenes about all these characters throughout the season.  It dragged like you wouldn’t believe.  I looked at the clock fully expecting it to be 9:30-9:40.  It was 9:17.  I looked again, figuring the show was almost over and it was 9:35.  Long gone are the days when the episodes just flew by and we all moaned that it was over already.  Or if the episode was only 50 minutes long we felt cheated. I don’t have a clue what they were thinking when they broke this season.  Maybe each writer just went away and wrote whatever the hell it was they decided to write then came back and tried to make it all work together.  At least that’s what this season feels like.  Each episode the characters are different.  They say things that make no sense to what has gone before.  There are two HUGE ones in this episode and it’s written by Brian Buckner who has been writing this series since Season 1.  He should be ashamed, as should Alan Ball.

Ready?  Here we go…..

1.  We’re at The Authority headquarters.  Defcon 5.  The lights have gone out and the UV lights are flashing on and off.  Even though UV rays fry vamps, even though the UV rays going off in the cells of Nora and Nigel are frying them, the rest of the Authority are blemish-less.  They’re just acting like they’re in pain because clearly nothing is hurting them.

Way to go you supremely lazy writers and producers!

2.  This is one of my favorites.  Sookie is ONE HALF FAE.  How is this possible?  She is.  Claude and his sister Claudhopper said so.  Hey writers ever take genetics in high school? For Sookie to be half fae, Gran and Grandpa Earl would BOTH have to be full fae, therefore, her father would have to be full fae and her mother a mere mortal.  But Gran wasn’t fae and Earl was part fae at best otherwise he wouldn’t have had to be kidnapped and fed light fruit (or are you going to retcon all that like the other reveal in this episode?)  Your only other alternative would be to make up on the spot that one isn’t born fae, yet Sookie doesn’t have a blood type, so how are you going to explain that geniuses?

So, we’ve all noticed through out the  5 Seasons that Sookie forgets she’s a telepath and she has forgotten she can use her hands of fail in critical moments.  Many people have pointed this out as a criticism, so what to do? What to do?  OH I KNOW!  Let’s make it whenever Sookie uses her powers she’s depleting them.  Yeah, yeah, that’ll explain it!  Oh and lets say that if she uses them too much she won’t be fae anymore.  Yeah that makes A LOT of sense, since you made her grandfather part fae, therefore she was born part fae, but I forgot we’re going to retcon that aren’t we?  In fact, we’ve just retconed a retcon in the same scene!  YAY!  Oh and that horrible wig you have on Claudhopper, is that the one you had on Eric in Season 1?

3.  How did Eric get so stupid?  Bill I understand, even though you’re trying to make him more clever than Eric.  “Er, huh, so I guess Nora dug Russell up but she was locked up when he was silvered.  Who could possibly be her accomplice?”  Seriously? Salome has been eye fucking the both of them.  It’s been written all over her face from the first time she was on screen.  They haven’t even mentioned her as a possibility.  Or Kibwe.  They decide it has to be Molly?  How in the hell has Eric survived 1000 years?  Dimwits.  At least Golden Boy Compton is portrayed as a dimwit too.  We must count our blessings where we find them.

4.  How in the HELL did Salome know Eric had Russell.  It was a plan that was hatched on the fly.  She says “The NIGHT you were ordered to show him [Russell] the true death….”  He wasn’t ordered THAT night.  Pffffttttt.  I say.

5. What is this BS  logic that The Guardian alone will determine when his essence will flow……is the whole Authority supposed to be batshit crazy?  Salome didn’t silver Russell, she was obviously involved with the faulty istake, she’s completely complicit in Roman’s death. She, Nora and Kibwe are freakin’ crazier than Russell.  This whole story line is nonsense.

6.  Is Alcide in love with Sookie?  I’m confused.  She unglamoured him, so everything Eric said to him is undone.  Yet, the next night he’s doing this:

Yup, he’s just pining away for her:

7.  Hey this episode is just drraaaaaggggiiiiinnnngggg.  What should we do?  Oh I’ve got a great idea!  Let’s put in a 4 minute wedding video! *facepalm*

8.  When was it established that Sookie and Jason felt that it was his fault that their parents died?  How would a flash flood be his fault? Did I miss something?

9.  What was the point of the Bud Dearborne scene?  It was nasty.  It left everyone with a dirty feeling about Bud.  Was that absolutely necessary?

10. When did Sookie ever meet Luna?  She was locked up with Eric most of last season, then locked in the Moon Goddess for the rest.  When did she get to know her enough to visit her at the hospital?  Just asking?

11.  Why didn’t Martha abjure JD?  I think offering your granddaughter “V” is grounds.  Dale Dickey would have killed the abjure ritual.  Way to miss out on a great opportunity.  Let’s watch some more of Arlene’s wedding video!

12.  Um.  Who are we supposed to be rooting for?  Are we supposed to hope anyone in this Authority story comes out as a decent vamp?  It appears by the end of the episode it might be Eric.  But that can’t be right because Eric is Alan Ball’s villain.  No one else has any redeeming qualities.  I’ve noticed something about Bill in at least the last three episodes, so I’m going to write something separate about him, but he doesn’t seem to be the hero of the piece right now.  I’m waiting for Alan Ball to turn that around in the end though……

13.  Why doesn’t Sookie have a brain in her head?  There she is finger failing all over the place hoping to make herself human.  Not going to change her blood though, so she’s getting rid of her only defense.  That’s just plain stupid.  The only way I’d approve is if she was blasting the writers away from this poor show, so that maybe someone like Joss Whedon could come in and save it.

For the first time I’m going to point out the WORST in an episode:

Hoyt and the Hate group with their Obama Masks.  UGH!  The worst!

I rarely mention Terry’s storyline.  Why?  It’s the WORST!  This episode took the cake.  Not only did Noel from Felicity say one of the most offensive things I have EVER heard on television, it’s so bad I refuse to repeat it on my blog, we had this:

“Ho ho ho” says the Ifrit and runs away.

Jason shoots Jessica in the head.  Yes, she bit him in anger, but please are  you telling me they hadn’t done that when they fooled around?  It didn’t warrant him shooting her.  The WORST!

Bleck! The Sookie montage. Did we really have to be reminded of these two moments?

 Bill allows Sookie to be beaten within an inch of her life so that he can get his blood into her.

Maryanne.  I hoped to never have to look at her again!

Don Bartolo.  Did we really need to go back there? Gross!

Nigel feeding from a child.  Disturbing and awful.  How a producer and director could find this entertaining is perplexing indeed.

The Vampire trip ending at a rehearsal dinner was just lame:

 Lilith is just horrible.  The CGI is awful, the only thing I can say about her is she has very large nipples and a bad merkin.  I’ve blurred out her naughty bits. The Goddess only knows where this is going to lead.  She reappears in the rest of the episodes.

Watch her roar! LMAO.

And then Casper Godric pops up but only from the waist up to stop Eric

What I liked in this episode:

The Vampire Trippin’ was truly lame, on the other hand, Russell singing karaoke was a win!

Kenya is the BEST!

He will never join in your plans, “Never you bible-banging c*nts!”  Oh Eric!  LOL

Martha interrupts Alcide and Rikki

“Respectfully, Martha, your son doesn’t have a grave cause you all ate him.”  LOLOL!

I’m still enjoying Pam and Tara.  I loved their mommy moment:

I have no idea what to expect tonight in Episode 8.  Stephen Moyer is directing and I think that’s exciting.  Mark Hudis, who will be taking over for Alan Ball next season, wrote the episode.  He wrote one I liked last season, he also wrote that ridiculous attack on the Moon Goddess episode that I disliked immensely.   Here’s hoping it makes more sense than this episode did.  Till next week….

Screen caps by the Witch of Bon Temps.


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